I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
