Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
