dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need water and some morals
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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