I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
