My brain says no but my pants say off.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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