Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
