I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
