how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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