Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
