u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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