it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
