Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're too hungover to prance.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
