I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
