and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
