hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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