We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
