Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
