I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
