i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize