you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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