I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
