dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
