I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
