You can't special order awesome
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
