This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
