it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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