I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
