the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
