so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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