Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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