I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize