i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
