I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
