HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize