Pappa wants mamma naked
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize