come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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