How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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