Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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