I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
