Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
