i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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