There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
