Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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