My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
