Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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