im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
