shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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