apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
