Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
