Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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