Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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