dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
