I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
