there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
