we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
