the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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