Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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