I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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