Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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