there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize