the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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