not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dear god my vagina.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
