it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
