If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
