Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
